


Dear John

by Kraihunbaekyeolchen



Series: AngstCT [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Idk but this made me cry buckets, Inspired by Novel, Love Letters, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 12:43:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20675591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kraihunbaekyeolchen/pseuds/Kraihunbaekyeolchen
Summary: Dear John,Sincerely,Doyoung





	Dear John

**Author's Note:**

> okay, so I watched Dear John. AND GUESS WHAT, I fuckin love it huhuhuhu. Its one of my most favorite movies now. Specially because Amanda Seyfried is the main character huhuh love her. AND THATS WHY charan I made this shitty thing lol. I SHIP JOHNNY AND DOYOUNG SO HARD. And their fanfics are rare hmp. WAKE UP AND SHIP JOHNDO.

_SSG John Jun Seo_

_Korean Embassy_

_Unit 127_

_APO KE 07412_

_Kim Doyoung_

_23 Gangneung-si. Box #1004_

_Gangwondo, SK 46002_

_Dear John,_

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_I was staring at this blank paper. Holding a pen. knowing what to write, but challenged on how to start. The sun is setting already. And I still don't know if I am ready. Time sure does fly. I can’t lie. Can you believe? It’s been 4 years. 4 years without you. 4 years without your warmth, without you by my side. 4 years without your smile. 4 years without knowing what to do. 4 years of exchanging letters, 4 years of patience and love. How are you there? I am hoping you are fine. And I hope on time, you dine. I am sorry for not sending letters. Sorry for making you wait. Sorry if ever, this letter will arrive late. And I do want to tell you all the things for the past 3 months but amidst all the weeks and days that have past, all I could remember now is you. I miss everything about you. Everything. _

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_I missed you so much John._

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_You know, Mark has been looking for you. The moment you flew and decided to renew, I know it would be long. In the span of 45 months he must have found it out now. He keeps on asking me, and all I could tell him are lies. I am making your brother a fool. Each question of him, I answered blindly. Even I myself, didn't know about your condition there. Heck, even you yourself don't know what would happen. Maybe I was a fool too. Fool for you. And I am sorry. Truly, I am. For doing this through a letter. You see, 4 years was such a pain. A pain, that would always regain. Literally. It may seem short, but I was dreading everyday waiting for you. For us. John, waiting for you isn't the hard part. I could always wait for you. I would always be waiting for you. But the thing is, I'm the only one who could do that. I’m the only one who is ready to sacrifice like that and you know me John. I know you do. You're the one who made me realize who I really am. _

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_You know I put myself last John._

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_I realized, every tick of the clock, every day in the class, every setting sun, disappearing moon.....I realized that I need you. I want you. Need--Want---I don't care. I need you here beside me. Not only emotionally but physically too. I would be lying if I say its fine for me without you here. But you were gone for 4 years now and I just couldn't. I haven't had a good night sleep for a long time because I was scared. I was scared that suddenly, a letter would be mailed. Don't get me wrong, I love your letters. I anticipate every letter. I cherish every single piece. I treasure every word. But I am scared that a particular letter may be the last one. That one last letter I was nervous for. I didn’t receive any of it but here’s mine. I am praying every day for you. Every night before I sleep, Every time I go to the church. But being in the army itself is making you, already dead. I love you John. I respect all your decisions. I look up to you. But I'm tired._

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_I'm sorry John._

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_You must be wondering why I haven't written a letter for the past 3 months. If you think many things have happened in the past 4 years, these 3 past months? they were the longest 3 months for me. They were torturous. It was like hell. My brother was hospitalized. Somehow, the doctor told me he has a brain cancer. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't get any help. I was suffering by myself. I couldn’t run to your arms and sob like a baby just like when I failed my class. I couldn’t because I was alone. I have no one with me. You’re the only one I have. But you’re not there. I hated myself for not being productive for my only family. I payed, and payed, and payed, but the bills were just pilling up. I didn't realize our money ran out. I didn’t foresee in my whole life, that I would ran out of money. Then one day, that hateful day, my brother had a seizure and he needed to be taken in an operation. I said yes. I said yes without thinking. Because all I care about that time is him. You know how I love my brother so much. The operation was successful. I thought my problems are done but the billing came. And so as my problems. I sold our beach house. Don't worry, my brother is fine now. He is in a good condition, hoping it would continue. _

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_It starts to fall down John._

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_After solding our beach house, I had no choice but to live in my parent's house in Gangwondo. Although I still refuse to live there, I had no choice. I'm sorry I wasn't able to visit Mark for a long time now. Gangwondo and Jeju are too far away from each other, Northeast and Southwest. It’s funny how I think it’s like us. So close, yet so far. For the next thing that I would say, I am eminently sorry. I’m engaged John. And if ever you're wondering, or if ever a question will form in your mind, my answer is yes. I love him. I really do. Although I wouldn’t dare to say that our love was the same as your’s and mine’s. What we had were obsessive, Enduring, Sacrificing. Completely opposite to ours. He is always here for me. He is everything that I wanted for the 4 longing years. He was everything I need that I wasn’t aware of. He was there when I needed you the most. He was there when I was lost. He guided me back track. I was suddenly okay again. He made things right for me. He loved me sincerely. Innocently. So much. I couldn't help but to love him back. _

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_I know I made the right decision John._

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_I loved you. I really do. Those months of love that we shared. Or may it be the 2 months of us being physically together. I truly loved you. Even more as you do. We were so blind John. We didn't realize time is running out for us. We were deprived in our own little world called you and I. We only cared about each other and omitted the other people around us. I didn't know why I only found out now that time is indeed precious. I couldn't change it. I can't control it. Time has its own way. And time doesn't want us. You were the right person for me John. I believe you are. I know you are. But time is not cooperating. Those 2 months that I bonded with you, was the best thing that ever happened in my life. I don't know where will I be if I didn't meet you. You were perfect for me. As I was for you. That’s why I fell for you hard. Love has no boundaries, or time or age or distance. Love does not hold back it is a continuous flow without any limits. I loved you because you were easy to love. There were a lot of things to love about you John. And this love of paper and pen that I more frequently seeing than you, is ending. _

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_We had the right love but the wrong time John._

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_Maybe, just maybe, If chances were good to us. If time was kind enough to spare us, maybe we could've make it work. Maybe our plans together would've been possible. Maybe I would be engaged to you instead. But life is always unfair. I learned it from you. You taught me how I shouldn't be disappointed to myself because things just don't go the same way we want. Because life would never be easy like that. We couldn't have everything that we wanted. I can clearly remember when you told me that just because the past didn’t turn out like I wanted to, doesn’t mean my future can’t be better that I’ve ever imagine. You taught me a lot of things John. And I want to thank you for that. Thank you. For loving me, for giving the time and effort to write a letter for me despite the situation you are in. Thank you for the unforgettable memories you gave me. For the guidance and for your affection. For being my pillar and my other half. For giving everything you can for me. Thank you for being brave. Thank you, John. Either for the 2 months that we stared in each other's loving eyes or that two days you came back home to me. But I'm sorry. I have to end this. _

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_I needed to open my eyes John, everyone was suffering._

_Sincerely,_

_Doyoung_


End file.
